Impulsivity and Intuition
What's the difference between your soul's whisper and a choice made in the heat of the moment?
Men aren’t typically associated with intuition, but I’ve always been an intuitive man, and I don’t think intuition is inherently feminine or masculine, anymore than any other quality is inherently one or the other.
The engendering categorization of intuition or any other natural quality tends to cause many of us to dismiss the deep awareness we have within to our own detriment. One of the ways I work with my clients is help them reclaim the fullness of their deep awareness, including their intuition.
When a man is in touch with his intuition he is able to:
fully connect with his desires
honor his values
call upon the mystery behind his mission and purpose
make choices with full sovereignty
The shadow side of intuition is impulsivity, and this often shows up for men who are not fully in touch with their deep awareness.
In the Sovereign Submission chat, I asked what other peoples’ experiences with impulsivity and intuition were and I got the follow response from Brendan Engen, PsyD
In contextual terms, impulsiveness is about escape, while intuition is about alignment. Impulsiveness pushes us away from discomfort; intuition draws us toward coherence.
I thought this was a good explanation and got his permission to include it as a quote here.
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Impulsivity as shadow
If you’ve ever made a choice in the heat of the moment, but in a way that left you feeling disconnected from yourself, I would suggest that’s impulsiveness. Impulsiveness is rooted in trying to fill something in that is missing from your life. The addict knows impulsiveness, because impulsiveness drives their addiction.
The addict is trying to fill in something within themselves that feels wounded and incomplete. Whether the addiction is porn, smoking, alcohol, sex, or something, it’s rooted in the wound that says I am not ok in the world and with myself. That wound creates an emptiness that can never be filled, but in the moment impulse drives us toward distraction from facing the emptiness and the pain of the wound.
Impulsivity is usually followed by feelings of shame and guilt, because there is a lack of alignment. You’re reacting to something that isn’t being expressed in a clear and articulate way. Instead it comes out sideways in behaviors that sabotage your life and have you wondering what’s wrong with yourself.
What’s wrong is subjective…it’s really about an aspect of yourself that isn’t being seen, heard, or witnessed and as a result it uses impulsivity to get your attention.
For me, as an example, I’ve been impulsive around sex. I’ve had risky sex in the past. In the moment it felt good, but I was acting impulsively, caught up in the desire for distraction instead of recognizing what was at the heart of my risky behavior: A longing for validation and approval.
The thing is no matter who I had sex with, that ache for validation and approval couldn’t be met with sex or any of the other activities I got involved in. All it really did was make me feel even emptier inside because I wasn’t facing the shadow part of myself that wanted validation and approval.
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Intuition as Clarity
A friend recently asked me if I knew the difference between impulsivity and intuition. I’ve been sitting with that question and I’ve shared it with a few people, curious about their answers.
The conclusion that I’ve come to is that my impulsivity is a reaction to something within that isn’t being fully addressed or met by myself, or anyone else. My intuition on the other hand is a deep inner knowing that brings clarity and focus to my life, while also inviting in synchronistic alignment with what is in right alignment to me.
So what does that really mean?
Many years ago now, I made the decision to move out west. I felt an intuitive pull out there and I trusted it. It led me to living in an area where I feel much happier, on multiple levels. I knew on a deep level that I needed to move out west.
Another example of intuition involved honoring a deep recognition for myself that I am much more aligned with my life path by being engaged in men’s work. The clarity I got in my life as I got more involved in men’s work pushed me toward a journey of exploring different organizations and their perspectives on men’s work. I’ve learned a lot and its changed the way I work with men.
Men have the capacity for intuition. It is often blocked because men armor their hearts up and ignore the deeper call within themselves that speaks to the deep awareness within. Yet when men learn to listen to their hearts as much as their heads, what becomes available is a connection to the numinous beyond. We all have access to it and when we honor our intuition it can bring us to the right journey.
The difference between the two is that impulsivity is based around the emptiness, the longing and the lack, while intuition speaks to alignment and depth with one’s values. Differentiating between the two experiences is a critical skill all of us need to cultivate, because when we cultivate it, it helps us make better choices, from response instead of reaction.
When you’re ready to Step into Sovereignty, here are ways we can work together:
The Crucible - A one time 90-minute session- Get the support you need right now, when you can’t figure this out alone. ($300, sliding scale available).
The Initiation - 12 session packages where I guide you into your sovereign expression of your desires and transitional moments such as divorce or marriage, where you don’t want to be the same man on the other side.
Private Retreats & Intensives - Personalized immersive experiences crafted around your exact moment and desired transformation.